i don't know

"Let's go to a little gathering, a little gathering"

"Susana are you ok?"

"Sure, so um..."
"Well I'm just openin' it up...give me the link so I can show it to them. "

"Did you do that CSR?"

Inside my head: Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie....

"Obviously you don't copy the instructions."

"Hey Ben, wha's poppin'?"
"Hey Denise! I've been missing yoooooooooooouuu!"

"Who ees een da Superbol dees jear? Los Patri...petri..." (smokin' hot dominican chick trying to say 'Patriots')
"No Ah'm sorry Dania! Pedro ain't in no superbowl dis year. Maybe your thinkin' back in Cuba or whatever. Pedro plays in your Messican leagues."
(Me) "Denise you shouldn't make fun of the way Latinos talk. Black people talk funny, too."
'"Das a'solutely right! Wait, why do you care. You spanish or sumpin'?"

"Assign both people to the same task. 'Verify changes' is the same task."

In my head "bored bored bored bored...

"Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie...

A long winter's night of cheatin' on you, dear
Now, I'm pretty bold, but there's one thing I do fear--
The cold in the hills is killing the mule deer
The wolves are going hungry and they're looking for food here

Rosie tossed her corset into the rafters
Down comes Eddie, he's a sweaty disaster
Legless Paul rolls in on casters
(Rosie cut him down one time when he sassed her)

Smack Marky comes in and we all say "Hello"
Rosie says, "Join us," Marky says, "No--
Not unless you got a cellar and we all go below,
The wolves are on the move and they are howlin' low..."

Jim Bobo busts in with blood on his shins
Rosie says, "Baby, what's wrong with yer pins?"
Bobo says, "Hide me, cuz the wolves are comin' in--
They didn't get me, but they got all my kin..."

So we went to the roof cuz the roof's got the best view
Rosie says, "Boys, it's me to the rescue--
We all know that I'm stronger and smarter than the best of you,
We got some hungry wolves and they will really make a mess of you..."

Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie...

The leader of the pack was this cat named "Lobo"
(He was the one that was gnawing on Bobo)
Rosie told the pack "Now, I don't like to showboat,
But I'm about to slaughter every one of you, solo..."

Lobo barked an order, it was (more or less) "Eat her"
Fur and fangs was flying like 'skeeters
Ten wolves had to die, then they knew they couldn't beat her
So they whined until Rosie said she'd be their new leader

Yonder comes Rosie with the wolves behind her
Rosie says "Jump" and the wolves all mind her
Yonder goes Rosie with the wolfskin on
Y'got to see her make those little doggies git along...

Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie, Wolfskin Rosie..."

--the wise, the venerable, the remarkable SYCAMORE SMITH.

When I am bored at work he croons in my mind's ear (yes it has one) and accompanies the meaningless patter and pitter and twaddle and twitter of work conversation.

But sometimes Jay-Z yells "I GOTTA LOTTA PROBLEMS BUT THE BITCH AIN'T ONE! YOU GOT GIRL PROBLEMS AH FEEL BAD FER YOU SON!" or the Outkast guys yell "I LOVE dese hoes!" or something. or maybe that's when Denise's little iPod dog is dancing to it's own music.

People here think I am an angry guy. That's because I am always angry when I am here.

JD: (after looking at my Michigan drivers license and seeing my address--Britz Rd.) Hey Ben, do they have a Britz Bank on Britz Rd in Britz town in Britz Country? (jocularly and good naturedly)
BEN: (staring daggers into his formerly smiling face) Do you want a Britz finger up you loose dehydrated asshole?

CHRIS: Hey Ben how are you?
BEN: (loudly) Shitty. How the fuck do you expect me to be? I come into work on a crowded-ass smelly as shit subway to come to a job I hate where I make a pittance! a Pittance! No salary, no benefits, no bonus, no nothing. I swear I'm gonna quit. Piece of shit job. People say 'do this, do that', everyone at the same time needs everything done ASAP. 'Archive these boxes! Create this CSR immediately'. They can take those boxes and shove them up their asses. Or in their boxes. [snicker]. John, this reminds me (Chris has long since escaped my unfortunate tirade) I'm not coming to work tomorrow.
JOHN: Oh, Ben. You will. You always come back.
BEN: Not this time! I quit!
JOHN: Oh you will.
BEN: John, I'm leaving you. I never want to see you or anyone else here again. Hey everybody! (everyone looks up) Fuck yourselves! I will not see any of you any time soon. You can do all the CSRs, take care of the archiving and databases, and those goddamn new account checks! You can keep your shitty jobs and I'm not coming back to mine. I'm leavin' this one-man shit show and y'all suck my black dick! Fuck y'all muthfuckas! (taking a page out of Denise's book)

This was at 5pm yesterday. But I'm at work again today. LAME.

Seriously I said all of that shit. No one was surprised. I always say stupid shit that should get me fired, every day I do, and no one cares. They're like "Psh. Weird hair. Likes music. Must be one o' them queers" and so they ignore everything I say, which, of course, in my opinion, gives me license to say whatever I want, which is the kind of stuff I like to say. "John, I'm gonna fuck your fiance" "OK, Ben."

"Nelson why do you always blush when I talk?"
"I don't" he says, turning red as I start to say "Pussy, Cunt. Box. Vagina. Scrotal Sac. Perineum. Glans. Punani. Tit. Mouse tit. teeny tiny mouse tit."
"I do not!" he stresses further, getting redder.

"you know why they always ask me to do this? do you know why? it's because they know i will, they know that i will smilingly and cheerfully say yes, yes sir, yessir, of course i will do this absolutely unnecessary yet difficult task right when we're about to leave for the day--"
"maybe it's because you are the only one in charge of archiving the boxes"
"...yes. Maybe. that is a good point. but irrelevant. Because the real reason my friend is that they no i will not say no, that i will not stand up for myself, that i have no backbone, that i am spineless. because here, temp means invertebrate"
"maybe you should just go and pick up the boxes"
"first it's put away these folders, get the folders, scan this go to the 19th floor, bring this box to the subbasement, get this box from the subbasement--"
"ben, just get the boxes"

"who's that girl who sits next to reenstra on 57?'
"i don't know, i don't know her name"
"dude, she is weird looking. she disturbs me."
"yeah?"
"she has one of those faces that are kind of imperious, so she looks tall when she's sitting down, but then she stands up and she's like up to your belly button and i'm like fuck."



Oh it's something all right, this job, this job. I can see why people in big cities like to throw themselves out of office windows.


"Did you make your 11:30 run?"
"No."
"Go make your 11:30 run."
"What's it worth to you, John?"
"Ben, it's worth a lot to me."
"Yes, but how much?"
"A lot. So much so, that it is priceless." Obvious eye-rolling, frustrated that he has to play along just to deal with me.
"Well, I am going to put a price on it: 5 bucks. Pay me 5 bucks to get the CSRs from upstairs or you can smuggle your own punani."

Nelson blushed.

Punani sounds way too much like panini, which is delicious. i guess both are delicious, but for notably different reasons. Some days it is hard to eat panini, because I am so distracted by it's near twin.

Some days it is hard to eat punani, because all I can think about is chicken pesto panini.

ok bye.

sorry for the embarrassing words.