MTA and the Antennae Man

"This is a Manhattan bound L train. The next stop is... First Avenue!" said the train, which knew its goals, after pausing at Bedford avenue for a moment of self-reflection. "Stand clear of the closing doors, please," it warned. And then popped in...

"I am the ANTENNAE MAN. I am an ALIEN from SPACE" announced the brooklyn-accented black man. He had a shiny hat on with multi-colored antennae poking out from above and multicolored dreds poking out from below. "Ladies and gentlemen I am the Antennae Man from the galaxy MOOLEE BADOOLEE on a 19 YEAR MISSION, a mission to explore the VAST EXPANSES of the outer reaches of the UNIVERSE, to explore UNCHARTED PLANETS and discover ALIEN LIFE FORMS! To BOLDLY GO where NO MAN has GONE BEFORE." He gripped his dented up saxophone, which gleamed dully in the fluorescent light. "On this mission I have been places NO MAN has ever seen. I have seen some STRANGE SHIT. I've been everywhere, but TRAGEDY has struck! I have crash landed on this planet, and now I need some of the LOCAL CURRENCY to buy new parts for my SHIP!"

An he began to play his saxophone, quickly, without form or pattern. He would have been really good if he weren't fucking insane. It ended up being mostly super high pitched squeals, but for some reason, and contrary to the first impression, they did not offend the ear. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN of EARTH! You obviously wish me well, you want to see me go, and when I do, I'm taking GEORGE BUSH with me!" People cheer. "Shee-it, I'll bring Cheney, too, but he'll cost EXTRA." He started waving a plastic cup in people's faces. "Come on, man, with the rate of inflation here, you have to do better than THAT."

He walked up and down the car, collecting from everyone who would give. We gave him like a dollar. "SHIT! MOTHAFUCKIN' TWILIGHT ZONE!" and he started to play it, "dee dee dee dee etc."

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" He screamed. "You are now trapped in the TWILIGHT ZONE indefinitely, until the next time you are fortunate enough to hear me play. At that time I will SET your SOULS FREE." He played it again, and as the train slowed to a halt in the 1st avenue station, he edged towards the door. "Remember, I am an ALIEN from SPACE. I ain't from MEXICO!" He leapt out the door, and we moved on.

This is a weird fucking city.